This might seem a bit disjointed today, but it really does all work together.
Also? If you have any issues with the use of all the words of the English language, then you might find the work below is not your cup of tea. Alternatively, you might be at work and so you need to know now that this might be NSFW. Come back later!
Ready?
Looking back at cross-stitch innocence…
Long, long ago when I was 10, my godmother taught me how to cross stitch. She has these rules about how to separate the strands of floss, about never using a hoop, and about making all the stitches in the same way with the top half-stitch of the crosses all leaning the same way. I’d send her cross-stitched gifts and get back some helpful criticism within her thank you notes. Heh. Well, as a kid, it didn’t seem so kind, but now I see what she was trying to do for me. These are good habits well-reinforced to make the work look more professional. Anyway, sometime I’ll tell you about her and her needlework.
After a long break from stitching during college, I returned to some serious alphabet sampler work in 2003 and this continued for a few years. I loved using charts of reproductions (mainly late 1800s) with aged linen and handdyed silk floss. This also is when I discovered the joy of the simplicity of redwork.
Back then, during those early years of my current job, I kind of needed the tedium of counted cross stitch as a haven in my control. And then after a while it just became tedious and, well, I learned how to make quilts instead. And then knitting happened…
Gosh, I haven’t done much cross stitch since 2005.
What can I say? I’m a fickle crafter. Although, foreshadowing current pursuits, this little scrap gem happened:
New topic!
Have you heard of the Honey Badger?
When I decided to cancel my cable about a decade ago, I pulled in only PBS on my antenna. Watching nature shows became my regular entertainment and I came to really dislike them for all the violence. It’s natural violence, but too much reality too often was not good. When I came across this recent viral video of a honey badger (video link: not for the faint of heart and likely NSFW), I started musing on the lessons we can learn from the honey badger. Now there are too many ideas in my head right now to focus, so I just chose to reproduce this t-shirt design that I found via JulieFrick on Pinterest.
Honey badger just don’t care. And maybe we all should embrace some part of our inner honey badgers?
Back to the cross stitchery!
All the cross stitch lately going on online started to worm its way back into my brain. In particular Kathy mentioned her return to a pretty old work-in-progress and she even referred to one of my most favorite chart shops: The Scarlet Letter. (It’s comforting to see that the site is totally the same as it was eight years ago.) And so I had alphabets on the brain.
Armed with a French book of cross stitch fonts gotten from a Japanese book shop, some 14ct natural linen aida cloth and some variegated DMC floss, I embraced my inner honey badger and improvised a (NSFW) cross stitch sampler a couple of weeks ago.
.
.
.
.
.
.
I said NSFW! Are you sure you want to scroll down?
.
.
.
.
.
.

And then I did it again.
* No more charts, sorry.*
Want to make your own Don’t Give a… sampler?
Well, I made a stitch chart (PDF). On 14ct aida, this came out to be 4.5″x7″, so you’ll need about a fat quarter of cloth if you plan to frame it. Using two strands of floss for all stitches, I only needed 1.5 hanks of the variegated DMC.
Leave a comment here or email me (cauchycomplete at gmail dot com) if you’d like a chart.
The etiquette stuff: Of course, the design is my own and I am sharing it just for personal use. Selling the chart or the resulting stitchery is not only unlawful–it’s just not cool. If you seem sketchy, I reserve the right not to send you a chart…and I will sic my pet honey badger on you.
** Nope. No more charts.**




Honey badger don’t give a shit. He eats cobra all day! :)
How fun! You definitely have your honey badger on!
fantastic! I’m so pleased you’ve included my favourite insult – turd! I’m loving dickbucket too – did you make that one up? I’m obviously not too cool for school though as I’ve never heard cooter and have no idea what it means!
A friend shared the Honey Badger clip with me – soooooooooooo funny!! This is what I like about your blog – you don’t conform and feel like you have to write you blog like so many other blogs out there. I am personally a little sick of the blog sameyness so to read your posts is truly refreshing! :)
I think you made up some of those. Or maybe I need to get out more.
Brill!
love it love it love it. hee hee hee. poo. that is fantastic. I would totally do these if I did cross-stitch. fabulously funny. looks so proper and then bam! hee hee hee. you totally rock.
you make me laugh : )
As if I needed another reason to love you forever. Do you have charts for both? I would love to have charts for either. This has Fancy Christmas gift written all over them! Now I’m all excited and happy!
This is so awesome. I have some cloth on it’s way to me and I would LOVE a chart if you are so inclined :) I need to channel the honey badger a bit more. snakes terrify me!
The Scarlet Letter site looks pretty amazing, thanks for the link. I see hours of fantasy embroiderer spent perusing their wares. And I think I could use some rude cross stitch therapy myself. Working in the summer has never really stopped sucking. :/
Just showed these samplers to my husband, who was eating a bowl of cereal. We have some clean-up to do now — thanks for the good laugh! Must chart my own sampler…
Hi, you Xstitchery gave me a good giggle! I’ld be very glad to get the chart
Thank you in advance
oh you know i want a pattern. like a honey badger wants a cobra. heh.
I too showed this to my husband and we both chortled with glee. I’d love a copy!
Oh please, I’d LOVE a chart! these are just the best, thank you!!!
tcrpm at sonic dot net
these made my morning :)
You are making me want to pick up my stitchery things again. I have some supplies buried somewhere in the sewing room. I think it would be fun to stitch something naughty. Maybe chanel my sailor swearing ways into cloth and thread.
OMG soo excellent and appropriate. Would love a chart if I can have one :)
that is awesome. i always said when i bought a house i was going to make a mat that says, “Fuck-off” instead of “Welcome” but then i lost my nerve. maybe for the inside of the front door.
You are hilarious C. Keep it coming. :)
I’m not good at cross stitch but I bow to your talent. That last one is hilarious.
Honey Badger may not give a shit, but this is awesome! Again, fantastic work.
Yep, I love your honeybadger-ness. I’ve never tried cross-stitch, but hey, since I’m learning crochet, why not try cs next? I’ll email you. :)
Monkeybutt is a pet name I use for my kids. In our house it is a term of endearment :-)
Love your NSFW samplers :-)
Oh man, I’d LOVE a chart.
I was talking with my grandma this weekend about cross stitch and she was intrigued that I knew all these people still doing it. She can understand the knitting, the quilting, the spinning, but the cross stitch gets to her because the end result is not as useful as the others. I’ll have to show her what you’ve been up to :)
Oh yes, please! I would happily brave cross stitch again for a chart like this!
Oh, my mom thinks I say “fuck” too much on facebook. I think that’s what facebook is for. I’d love love love to stitch that up.
I haven’t seen that honey badger video yet (and I’m afraid to watch it!) but your cross stitching is awesome. I have been a little afraid to try cross stitch but between your work and the new release at Purl of KPM mini-skeins…. it can’t be long now…
I am cracking up here. I love how many different fonts and styles you got in the “fuck” one. It’s really playful while angry. I’ve been somewhat considering trying a cross-stitch project… (it’s too hot to knit!) I’ll keep this in mind as a possibility. So, thanks!
I look at this and think, “Look at that crazy fuck! She don’t give a shit!” and of course, I love it. C, you are awesome!
holy cow, i love all of those! I don’t embroider, but now I really want to learn! I’d love a copy of the chart, thank you! I am picturing the “fuck” sampler hanging on my wall and looking amazing! :)
Heh heh heh. Am a particular fan of ‘wankety fucknuts’ myself, when in need of a good curse. Suits the Scottish accent I find. Heh heh heh :-)
You MUST stop being so cool and making me want to do all the things you are doing. My craft ADD is in overtime. 1st I want to make the 7 words quilt, then b/c of you influence, I’ve been hooking, now this PLUS the honey badger! Pardon me while I re-enact being the honey badger bitten by the cobra……….ok, I’m back for more! (Thanks!)
OMG!!! I love the last two samplers. Dickbucket might be my new favorite word!
I was hoping you you would post about your sampler(s) with more explaination. I knew it would be a good read. Awesome.
This is so amazing!!!!!!
I currently have a vision of doing it as the lining for a bag. As well as one for my wall, right above my desk, for those … moments…
Thank you so much for sharing your awesome work, and your design, so generously!
You’re so funny! Perhaps my brother would like the fuck sampler, I think he would appreciate the irony of the gift.
I totally want to thank you for all this honey badger stuff. We are now using quotes from the clip for everything. Eww, what are you eating now?
I have a friend (or two) that would the perfect recipients for a “naughty word” sampler at Christmas. Hahahahahhaaaaaa.
I would appreciate the chart please. Thank you!
btw… because of your book review I ended up not only getting that book, but taking a class with Edie Eckman. It was wonderful and I learned so much! Thanks for putting her in the front of my mind!
love your work, you, and your inner honey badger. go get’em.
Maybe honeybadger don’t care but i do…I really care to get one of those fuckin’ charts. I have 3 kids off to colege/uni this fall. Wouldn’t that just be something nice from home to hang on their walls???? (kids in my gr 12 chem class thought they were showing me something new when they pulled up honeybadge on the ol’ ‘puters, but i have 4 teens at home so students can’t show me shit ….I’ve already seen everything) OK maybe that last statement was a bit over the top but who cares..not honeybadger.
Hell yeah. Yeah yeah YEAH!
I had my fling with the alphabet a while back, too, and this might be just the thing to lead me back — to at least finish the one that’s been sitting too long.
; )
What does NSFW mean?
Ahh..the Honey Badger! love it! Hubby loves it so much I think he’s going to get it tattooed on him! ;) Best video out there! Love all your stitchery! i wish I knew how to do that b.c I think my husband would love to have that Honey Badger one framed and sitting on his desk at work!
awesome! :) Thanks for sharing that video it was totally hilarious! Have you seen the quilts floating around that have pieced words (http://www.flickr.com/photos/kellp/5037553561/in/photostream/) I love it. :)
Yep. She, umm, made that cock block for me!
wow. this is fantastic! and thanks for reminding of the honey badger. i could use a little of that attitude in my life these days.
I haven’t done cross stitch since middle school, but I believe I now have the proper motivation. I would love to get the charts for the curse word samplers! (And I totally know what all those words mean… I feel very worldly.) I promise not to sell the charts or final projects but I expect that they will be in demand as gifts for some of my friends. :)
The honey badger is my idol. I’ve seen it before and it is still amazing. Nothing can knock the honey badger down.
I love to have the fuck chart. This word featured heavily in my vocabulary but with the advent of nephews and nieces I just say it to myself.
Teehee! This is too much fun. I would’ve kept at cross stitchery as a girl if my mum had allowed me to swear in it. Bad-ass craft. I love it!
I can’t believe my husband (he who has his finger on the pulse of all internet memes and pointed me to Three KeyBoard Cat Moon Ts) has failed to link me to that vid. Damn, I’m gonna have to get all Honeybadger on him.
ha! i really love these. your first one especially makes me think of the hilarious restaurant scene in curb your enthusiasm: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MYmV70_U3oA
(skip ahead to the 3:20 mark for the cursing bit)
I LOVE your samplers! They could not express my mood of late any better. I will have to make one of my own.
Thank you!!!
Ha! You got a honey badger instead of a dog. Good choice!
I love this so much. May I please have a copy?
I would love a chart- Thank you!
Ooh, ooh, ooh – me, me, me! I would love a chart. I’ve been wanting to do a NSFW sampler, to get back into cross-stitching. Thanks so much!
heh heh heh… I love this trend in cross stitching … and must say that I’m sorely tempted, though perhaps it would be better, if I concentrated on the advent calendar for my son. And it probably wouldn’t be wise to get the two things mixed up ;)
I too would love a chart – and I even have the supplies on hand.
This is just awesome. I would love, love, love to have a chart. Thanks so much!
I would LOVE a chart because I must stitch dickbucket! That has got to be a Ron Swanson word!
I would love a copy of the chart, thank you for sharing your work. (And all of your other beautiful projects too!) I’m not sure have an appropriate place to hang the samplers, but it sure will feel great to stitch them out one by one!
OH gawd–I had to laugh when I saw the “Monkeybutt.” That’s my screen name for any game I play online. I love it! and the naughty ones, too. Naughty is good.
I think you could sell that fuck one on Etsy for a decent amount of money! I’d buy one!
so bummed that the charts aren’t available anymore. I guess I should have acted sooner. I love your sense of humor. and the ladies at work love it too.
This would be a perfect present for my son…
Awww those are completely awesome! I saw them on Mr. X Stitch…how possible would it be to get a chart for either, or both? :)