I often use text in my quilts as an additional tool for self-expression. Some of these are political commentaries, some are self-reflections on identity, while others challenge our notions of censorship. This one revealed today is all of the above.
Yesterday I reminded you of the series of Who I think you think I am quilts and indicated that this new quilt continues that theme but takes a step away from me to examine a descriptor that is not part of my self-identity. This quilt was inspired by my friend, Steven Ambrose, a PhD student in English in Michigan.
Steven and I worked together for more than a year on this idea, as I puzzled my way through formulating my philosophy on usage of this word. This is an unusual collaboration and one of the sort I’d like to pursue again.
We decided to interview each other for this reveal. My questions and Steven’s responses are below. You can and should read Steven’s questions and my responses over on his blog.
Seriously, Steven asked me better questions. Don’t forget to go read over there too.
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Due to the use of the full English language, some may consider this post not safe for work (NSFW).
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Scroll at your own peril. Go watch Ted the talking porcupine eat a pumpkin instead, maybe?
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Seriously. There is a six-letter f-word below that you might not want to consider or that you might not want on your screen at work.
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Cauchy’s Questions for Steven
Tell us about you. The usual big questions: Who are you? Where are you from? What do you do?
lol i feel like this is a speed date! the basics are i’m steven ambrose. i’m from michigan, though i’ve lived in dublin, chicago, and pittsburgh before i moved back. i’m a phd student in english. i suppose people have called me witty, and i’m admittedly rather inappropriate. really, all you need to know about me is what is says on my ravelry:
fiber snob, flickr junkie, harlot lover
i knit.
i blog.
i walk my dog.
the rest changes without notice.
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You’re pretty craft-y and it seems that you are careful in choosing what to make. Tell us about that. What catches your eye? What do you make? And why do you make?
well, i’m primarily a knitter, but in general i’m a sucker for traditional design. i like designs that are simple or at least have the illusion of it. i prefer solids and neutrals, or light variegation, especially in knitting. i loathe all synthetics. i tend make a lot of lace because, while i can’t really pull it off, it’s a challenge that makes sense in my brain. i’m definitely a process knitter and have given the majority of what i’ve made away. if you look at my ravelry, i think my projects reflect all of these things, with some exceptions of course.
i would say that 75% of what knitters make is hideous and i think that’s part of the reason why people don’t take it seriously. i’ve learned a lot about knitting and have very strong opinions about the craft and the industry. for the most part, i keep my thoughts to myself. but every now and then i just have to call out a designer, yarn, or burn a book.
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When did we “meet”? We have mutual Rhinebeck friends, but never crossed paths there. [I have a vague impression in my mind of a message you sent me in early 2012; actually, the impression is of the to-me-bold suggestion written therein and how we find ourselves here today.]
this is a hard question as i have an horrible memory. luckily, i keep records and the internet saves everything. the first official time we ‘met’ (by which i think we both mean “corresponded electronically”, was 18 jan 2012 after i commented on your blog post. you have the blogging trifecta of beautiful work, photography, and compelling writing. you have a point of view that i couldn’t resist.
that being said, i have a (possible phantom) memory of seeing you at my first rhinebeck. you had run into our mutual friend yarnyoldkim and i was like, “who is this bitch? people seem to know her.” but of course, as i said, my memory is notoriously unreliable.
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What does this word mean to you? [There are too many possible angles: first time you encountered the word, whether it was ever aimed at you, broader societal context (appropriation, re-claiming, is it still commonly used?). I’ll leave it open to you.]
the big question.
there are rare instances when i use the word in a kind of ironically loving way; like seeing a visibly queer boy, turning to my friend and saying, “look at this faggot!” to acknowledge their fabulosity.
generally though, this word makes me feel bad in a way that’s indescribable for the most part. to me, it signals both hateful loathing and danger. whereas ‘fag’ is still incredibly derogatory and equally abhorrent, ‘faggot’ usually means it’s time to get outta there or this dude will fuck me up!
and yet (and i’m sure freud would have a field day with this one) it’s still a part of who i am. anyone can clock me as gay as soon as i open my mouth. anyone with any sense can tell just from how i walk. i’m not one of those gays who’s trying to get married and prove to the world that “i’m just like you” or “love is love” or believe everything is ok because “it gets better” (as if that were even true for everyone or makes it worth the shit queer kids still have to go through). i live in this world differently. there are people in the world who hate me because of that. i can’t change that and won’t change for them.
for me, hearing faggot is just a reminder that being hated will always be a part of my world.
luckily, i’ve minimized my exposure to it.
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This quilt is part of a long-term series exploring identity and I went through several different design ideas before settling on this one. While the picnic style of the patchwork, using 1930s calicoes and a traditional Quaker cross stitch sampler motif, was meant to emphasize that incurring the wrath behind usage of this word is not a picnic, I think I was subliminally inspired by the early scenes of bliss in Evelyn Waugh’s Brideshead Revisited. Discuss. [Ha! But, no, really. I mean it.]
i totally feel what you mean! can’t you see us picnicking on it, eating strawberries and drinking château peyraguey at the next rhinebeck?
to me, if you were to make a quilt that represented what the word sounds like or evokes in a more literal way, it would look completely different. for me, what makes this piece so interesting is the juxtaposition of such a beautiful, old-timey look with a word that sounds so ugly.
it’s funny, but this design is totally different from your original idea and you picked calicos. one of my life goals is to make a traditional quilt using calicos. but what’s weirder is that both the fabric and color scheme are eerily similar to my baby blanket! however anyone feels about this word, or your larger project of quilting using challenging vocabulary, i can’t help but think that this quilt was meant to be.
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Don’t forget to go read the companion post on Steven’s site. His insightful questions and my answers round out our project with our two (or more!) perspectives on the ideas and the work.
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The Details
Materials: cotton solids and calicoes from stash
Techniques: overall, a traditional Quaker sampler, longarm machine quilted by the amazing Pam Cole; hand-bound by me
Finished size: 70″ square
Started: May 5, 2013
Finished: October 16, 2013
Comments, whether positive or negative, are welcome. Hate speech will not be posted, however.
completely cauchy. 
what an adventure. thanks, c!
It was very interesting to read both this post and Steven’s. I’m so intrigued by the choice of font. The serifs give it a delicacy but at the same time it makes me think of seeing the word online and in print. The pixelation gives it a sharp edge that reminded me of how you describe hearing the word in the your interview on Steven’s blog – the sharp clip of the ‘ot’ on the end, how the addition of that second syllable changes the context of hearing the word for Steven.
Thank you for sharing your art.
It’s good to push boundaries esp. if it is in collaboration for the ‘greater good’. Not to be hatful or derogatory. This softens the word to be ‘less ‘hatefull’….soft like a powder puff. :-* Mwah darlinks.
I love the quilt, the idea, the interview, the color choices and just the thoughts are inspiring, but I hate the word. I have my own nasty identity word……Bastard! It wasn’t a good label for a little kid 60 years ago. Glad to see you bringing these “nasty” words out in the open. I think seeing them and talking about them take away some of the power they have over us. I really enjoy your blog.
Wonderful, and very thought inspirering. I love the double posting and loved reading both your questions and answers.
Your thoughts on crafting (or art – as I really see this) as introspection and the difference between expressing yourself and another are fascinating, and as ever your work and words cause wondering, respect, introspection, inspiration, and hope.
Respect to both of you and my thanks for yet another inspirering case of thought provoking, stitched art.
Do you find 70 inches square to be large enough? On Steven’s body, I would want 10 more inches. – Enough to cover the toes & pull up to the chin…
Love the subversive cross-stitch theme.
I love this collaboration so much. Your new f-word resonates with me quite a bit (I have a few choice words that are related to this one that I would absolutely love made into a sparkly, riot-grrl rage quilt if I had the skills). It was wonderful to read about your process with Steven and the interviews on how you ended up in a place where you felt that making this quilt would be ‘right,’ and the struggle of trying to create a quilt with a word that is powerful but that doesn’t necessarily have power in a way that applies to you. I especially love the photo with Steven, literally wrapping himself up in the word and making it his own.
I have loved this project for ages, but this quilt definitely has a special place in my heart.
This is such an extraordinary project. Making Art out of hate, and owning ourselves as we see us. The interviews on both sites are amazing. There is such a need for more dialogue like this — and (completely selfishly) more projects like this. This art is so powerful. Thanks for putting it out there!
Well done to both of you. I totally understand the part about wondering if you could make it your own in some way and I think you’ve done a fine job. It’s his and it’s yours and it’s all of ours.
what a surprise- that is not the 6-letter F word i thought you’d have (not sure what i was expecting, but i really love it). i am so energized by this collaboration, the photo presentation- especially Stephen under the quilt. this whole series has been inspiring, and i look forward to see how it progresses. seriously, all i want to do now is quilt some unapologetic words! well done to both of you!
A pretty F word. I dare say it changes the perception of it, re-arranging the usual images in the brain. I think F & Q are my new favorite letters!
Wow, I adore this quilt & would really like to picnic on at the next Rhinebeck. I feel extremely lucky to have such brilliant creative & twisted friends like you & Steven. Stupid work computer security won’t let me open Steven’s blog to comment. Grrr!
Your work always inspires and challenges me. So fascinating to read about the process and the meaning for both of you. I know that I say this all the time, but you are an amazing artist.
Hmmm…between the quilt, your interview with Steven, and Steven’s interview with you I have a lot to think about and mull over. Thank you for giving me another opportunity to think about the power of words, the power of quilts, and the power of artists.
It wasn’t until my now-husband narrowly escaped a gay-bashing in Vancouver, BC in 1991 that I became frightened of the sound of the word faggot. I cannot think of the last time I heard it spoken aloud. Reading it, spelled out in calico cloth, has revived many different feelings that will stay with me throughout the day and likely a few more to come.
Thank you both for sharing.
This takes my breath away. I can’t begin to do justice to the fabulousness of the quilt, the idea, the collaboration, the way both of you talk about it. Thank you for putting this out in the world.
**You are two of the most beautiful people i know. Thank you for being courageous, thought provoking and extraordinary. The world is a better place because of each of you. Repeat from **
Thank you for sharing your interviews and the process behind this idea and quilt. It is interesting to me how you have visually portrayed this word in such a pretty and gentle way, in terms of colour, style of fabric, font, border and quilting, when it is not a pretty or gentle word at all. I am going to have to think about how that makes me feel, but it certainly make me think.
I love your work. Love hearing the process and most of all, I love the conversations and thoughts it provokes. Thank you for sharing.
amazing quilt. Would be so awesome to see your word quilts all together on display.
Love what you both have done here – and how thought-provoking the piece is. Cheers to you both.
The mental image of the picnic at Rhinebeck made me crack up. Challenging in the BEST way. Thanks so much for sharing this work with all of us. I also loved the discussion of the PARTICULAR word – not fag but faggot – and the violence attached. Gah! So glad the internet, and people who want to share, are out there!
I had chills from the moment I started reading this post. I was trying to guess the word (I was wrong) and got chills again! I can’t decide if your quilts are helping let go of the ugliness of words (I cringe when I hear them used inappropriately) or what, but I enjoy seeing your work.
Interesting, interesting (that’s a compliment, by the way). Making quilts takes so long that when I was making them, I’d save the effort for only my most worthwhile ideas. And yet here you are (and Steven), making quilts about hard, hard ideas, hard thoughts. Hard things to wrestle with in life. I applaud that in you, and I don’t know that I’d have the courage or stamina to do it myself. It isn’t so much that I worry about what others think (screw them), but that I wouldn’t want to be trying, physically trying, to balance Art (in the sense of Beauty) and Awfulness (in the sense of nastiness, not in the sense of awesome). Does physically wrestling with an Awful thing help reduce its badness, maybe by reducing it to pretty cloth?
I love this. The collaboration is awesome. I like the juxtaposition of the old-fashioned layout and fabrics with the jarring word. Perfect!
I wrote what I thought was a nice comment, and then Word Press swallowed it. :(
Basics: Very thought provoking art, and beautiful handwork.
just finished this post but had to make a quick comment to C, before a) I forget and b: go to Steven’s blog:
Steven: ” you have the blogging trifecta of beautiful work, photography, and compelling writing” Wish I’d said that.
About Steven’s quilt: Wow. Other commenters have expressed themselves better, but all I can say jeeze. How to mix the sweet fabric/simple design and the corrosive, hateful word to come up with such a powerful statement. I’m in awe of your thought process and your courage to share it with us.
It is that last shot, I think, that makes this quilt go from fantastic to sublime. You have the pink and blues. You have the quaker calicos.. and then BAM! the flowers. I love it.
Thank you for including the interviews. Such incredible insight.
Chawne, I just love this feature so much. The project, the interview, & the final piece are beautiful. You so inspire me Sweetpea!