Every time I sit down to write about this quilt, I am paralyzed with fear, slowed down by obstacles, and overflowing with rage borne from inhabiting this society as a person who is not a white man. The outline turns into a textbook about US history and persistent willful inequities, which is wearying and demoralizing.

It will be tone-policed. It will bring more invalidation. And I will die from containing the rage.

still not

I fear I will be told I don’t understand. I will be told that NOT ALL men do that. I will be told that ALL LIVES MATTER. I will be told where not to shop. I will be asked why I don’t make quilts about love. (Umm, I do.) I will be told to dress differently. I will be told to wear a nametag to garner respect. I will be told that things are much better now. I will be told to just let it go.

still not

Because I am told I don’t understand. I am told that NOT ALL men do that. I am told that ALL LIVES MATTER. I am told where not to shop. I am told not to make these quilts. I am told to dress differently. I am told to wear a nametag to garner respect. I am told that things are much better now. I am told to just let it go.

still not

You don’t understand. Men do that. Black lives matter. You shop where you like without commentary. No one tells you what not to make. You dress how you like. You don’t need a nametag to garner respect; you just show up. You don’t have to do anything to call yourself an ally.

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This quilt is a quiet scream. See how “i” recede into the background even as “i” declare an intent to march on.

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See you next time.

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The Details
Title: still not
Materials: vintage scraps from mid-century clothing, quilting cotton, denim, cotton sashiko thread
Techniques: improvisationally machine pieced, hand quilted, hand bound
Finished size: about 72″ square
Started: January 2019
Finished: June 2019