My birthday is coming up in a few weeks and I have so many wants for the world that one candle to blow out will never suffice. Some world peace, sane and sensible government, yada yada, you know, simple stuff. It’ll take a long time for us to get these things, but one can wish and one can keep working towards it, right? We have to wait.

Birthdays are for navel-gazing, huh? I have whispered my personal birthday wish out into the universe and, of course, I have also done things that could make it come true. Wishes aren’t only about magic, after all.

This wish makes me think a lot about waiting.

Don’t get me wrong: I have a deep cavern in my heart and soul that is filled with patience. Patience is a different virtue than the ability to wait, although I guess patience could help with the waiting sometimes. But I guess I mean to say that, for the most part, my problem with waiting isn’t always just a sign of impatience. [There’s a long digression on patience that is bursting outta my head as I write now, but I really want to keep this short-ish. It’d be a dense footnote in another medium, but instead I’ll just save it for later. Marshmallows appear there too, naturally.]

Waiting.

Waiting for good things to happen can require hope. And that’s probably what makes it hard for me. I can lose hold of hope too easily no matter the small signals of progress. This holds me back in RealJob and RealLife and RealLove all the time. It used to look more like just a short span of attention in these realms but that’s hard to fix without addressing the hope problem. Though hope can come from happy wishes coming true from time to time, so there’s also an element of self-fulfilling prophecy in this mode of living. And, really, I have more hope than I think I do but it’s not winning the fight with fear every time.

Hopeful waiting is also brave waiting.

This ruminating will continue. It turns out that in my (nonpublic) sketches (drawings, patchworks, etc) I have been exploring the tentacular theme of waiting for the past 5 months and I’m liking their cohesion in this light. It’s a good place to settle in for the long winter ahead to make (public) things.

A good place to wait a while.

And I’m also literally waiting for paint to dry.

Waiting.

More about that later. Maybe.

Happy Holidays, friends!

xo,
c